There's a Yiddish proverb that says, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." I feel like this year, particularly the last 6 months, I've been making plans and God has been laughing Himself silly.
At the start of this year, I thought I had everything figured out: literally everything. Towards the end of February, I was thrown a major curveball but by spring I had regrouped and come up with a new plan, the one I wrote about in my previous post. You know, where I was going to finish my degree in Montana because I had gotten a scholarship? I have mentioned previously how I was waiting for God to direct me to my "next big adventure;" I waited for direction that I felt came from Him....and I waited....and I waited, and all I seemed to be getting was radio silence. Since I absolutely despise the feeling of sitting still and being stagnent, I went ahead and made my plans to attend UM because it "made sense." *cue God's laughter*
As summer wore on, I became more and more depressed at the idea of going to school in Missoula. Between my scholarships and grants tuition was taken care of, all I had to do was find an apartment and sign up for classes, but I was dragging my feet: something didn't feel right. Mid July, I called my mom and told her I needed to talk. I hopped into Coconut and drove to my parents' house. Sitting out on my folks' back porch, I began to bawl. I told my mom how everything was all set for me to move and start a new chapter, but I was miserable. I told her how I felt almost a sense of obligation to attend UM since I had been awarded the scholarship I didn't even apply for and because I'd been telling everyone all summer I would be in Missoula that fall. More importantly than that, I just had this feeling I couldn't shake, it was like a literal pull back to Utah. Her response was, "then what are you still doing in Montana?" After discussing a few more ideas and options, I climbed back in my car, placed a call to my favorite redhead and said, "Do you still think you could get me a job at Fidelity?"
The next month was pretty stressful as I cancelled things with UM, broke the news to friends in Montana that I would be leaving the state, laughed with my Utah friends who almost didn't believe that I was finally coming home, and looked into online classes through BYU.
Because of how everything has worked out, I can honestly say moving back to Utah might not have been my original plan, but it was most definitely a part of God's plan for me. Right before I left I found out I have/had cervical cancer (ladies, get your annual exams done! Trust me, it's worth it!), and found the most amazing doctor who, once I made her aware of my issues and concerns due to PTSD, was extremely sensitive and kind (I go back in for an exam in a couple months and hopefully I'll be 100% cured). I started working for an amazing company that takes great care of its employees and provides full benefits and encourages and pays for their staff to attend therapy (I'm so excited about that fact as I continue to work on healing), and I moved into the most perfect 1 bedroom apartment that's so secure and cozy. I have been loving the opportunity to decorate my own space for Christmas.
I finally made good on what I've been saying since February I was going to do: on October 20th (when he was just 6 weeks old exactly), I got the sweetest, cutest little puppy in the world. Meet Prince Charming, my mini Australian Shepherd ❤️
Last but not least, I met someone. When I moved here, my heart was still mending from earlier in the year and I told everyone that while I would still go on dates because I wasn't opposed to the idea of meeting new people, I wasn't actively engaged in "the hunt." For the first time in my life, I was taking time for me; to work on myself, discover new hobbies, work on old projects, develop my talents, and have adventures with only little Prince by my side. Wouldn't you know, that's when he entered from stage left. It's still too early to tell if he's "the one", but so far I'm happier and more accepted by him than I have ever been before.
As 2017 draws to a close and I reflect on all that's transpired for me this year, I have to say, 2017, you were a real ass. But despite all the trials and hardship I faced this year, right after I got Prince Charming, my mom was driving me home from the grocery store and I told her, "You know, this hasn't been an easy year; you could even argue it's been the hardest year of my life so far, and I'm definitely not where I thought I would be at 25 but," I looked down at a sleeping Prince in my arms, "I have almost everything I've ever really wanted: a gorgeous, sweet dog, a good job that pays my bills and provides insurance, a cozy, safe place to live, and potentially a really good man to build the future I've always envisioned." Those are the things that make me happy and contribute to my all around sense of peace, and not a single one of those things would have happened had I not abandoned my plans for myself and gone where I was being directed.
Stephen W. Owen, the Young Men General President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints said,
"I don’t know how the hand of the Lord will manifest itself in your life, but I invite you to look for it. Then, someday 40 years from now, I hope you will also see profound changes in yourself and be filled with gratitude that during this pivotal time in your life, you allowed the Lord to help you become what He wants you to become."
In my case, I didn't have to wait 40 years, the results were much more immediate and easy to see, but with how the end of 2017 is shaping up, I'm going into 2018 full of excitement and wonder at what God has in store.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, ya'll
