I Never Would Have Imagined

About this time two years ago, I made what some people would probably call the biggest mistake of my life. 

About this time two years ago, I sent a text message with my address to the person I thought was my new gay best friend to come over and have a "girls night" with me.

In that moment, I never would have imagined that that one action would cause me, a few short hours later, to be drugged and raped. 

Hours later, as I laid on the floor begging God to let my heart stop beating, I never would have imagined that two years later, if I was given the chance to go back to that night, I would still send that text message.

     It's true, the months that followed were the hardest, darkest days of my life. But within those dark days were some of the most beautiful moments anyone could ever hope to experience. 

     Despite what I had just been through, I met and I fell in love with a wonderful man who showed me what it meant to be loved and cared for, forever raising the bar on how I expect to be treated. I spent Valentine's Day on the beach, watching the sun set, thanking God that I was still alive. 

     Around the same time, I made friends with five people I grew to love as family, who have been the greatest, most supportive friends anyone could hope to have.

     I got my heart broken. I moved home and worked for the summer, had adventures, and was a bridesmaid along the way. 

     I went back to school. I fell in love again, with someone who, once again, showed me what real love was and held my hand through some dark nights as I underwent exposure therapy to overcome the events from the previous year. 

     I felt God pulling me in a new direction and moved home to compete in a pageant where I shared my story with as many people as would hear it, and, based on the messages I received and cherish, I helped touch the lives of many others who had also been hurt. 

I  survived.

 I LIVED. 

To the monster who tried to tried to destroy me: you did NOT succeed, and although I never would have imagined it possible in those early hours of the morning on August 30th, 2014, I became so much better, so much kinder, and so much stronger because of you. Because of you, I grew even closer to a God I already loved, and gained a new perspective on all the many, many blessings He bestowed on me after your heinous crime. So for that, I thank you, and may God have mercy on your soul. 

As for me, I'm doing better than I ever would have imagined.