Expectations and Louboutins

At the start of the semester, I printed out quotes I thought I would need to be reminded of this year and posted them on my wall. Some of those quotes are:

While I adore these pictures, I've found this is the one I should have printed:

Alright, confession time: I've been allowing myself to be treated like flip flops. Since I've been back at school, I've had many gentleman (or so I thought they were) take me out on dates. So far I have encountered two types of men.

The Hangout/Netflix and Chill Boys

     These boys never ask me out on a formal date; they always want to hang out, usually at my place. Sometimes they ask to "Netflix and Chill." For those who aren't good at pop culture, Netflix and Chill means come over, we'll talk a bit, throw something on Netflix...and then have sex with Netflix playing in the background. In the BYU/Mormon culture, you'll have a steamy make out with Netflix in the background instead of boinking (David Addison, I salute you). Now, I'm pretty good at spotting the Netflix and Chill rogues, but I have fallen prey to pointless hangouts.

Then there's the second type....


The Barney Stinson Wannabes

     These boys will take me out on grand dates and drop $100 on me. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate it, but just about anyone can take me out and wine and dine me, it doesn't tell me anything about the real you. Not only that, but on the first couple dates, I feel awkward accepting such a grand gesture, and they know that. They do it so that at the end of the night, I'll feel obligated to give them a NCMO (noncommittal make out).

I have been in relationships with both types: the boy who never took me out on real dates, and the guy who could do nothing but wine and dine me because he refused to put any thought into our dates, and dinner and a movie was easy (and he liked to try to get in my pants). So what do I want? Moderation.

When I'm actually settled down in a relationship, there will be nights that I'll be tired from a long week/day at school and work and cooking dinner and watching a movie, or going to a casual restaurant and seeing a show will sound like heaven to me. If it's a special night, let's get dressed up and go to a nicer place for dinner to celebrate, if you really want to, but I would love it if you show me you're creative and capable of putting thought into me/our relationship.

For a first date, take me to play games at an arcade, take me dancing, take me to seasonal activities (haunted houses, pumpkin carving, sledding, iceskating, decorating Easter eggs, etc.), if you have guns, let's go shooting (I'll try to not outshoot you ;]). If all goes well and we enjoy each others company, we can go back and bake cookies; I'll go all southern girl on you and show you some awesome recipes.

I don't want to stay at home, I want you to take me out, but I don't want you to spend a lot of money on me regularly. I do want you to show me you're creative and have the capacity to do things with me down the road if the relationship goes anywhere. I want to do things that you like, too, so that we both get to know each other, and know if there's any point in continuing to date. It also gives me hope, if we do continue into a relationship and eventually marriage, that we will continue to have shared interests that we will keep doing together, away from the everyday challenges of life.

In order for an activity to be considered a date, Elder Dallin H. Oaks said it must meet the criteria of the 3 P's. It must be

• Paid for (by the gentleman)
• Planned ahead
• Paired off (meaning even if you're in a group setting, you arrive with, are there with, and leave with the same person)

In order to ensure I am treated like Louboutins, I have created my own set of rules when it comes to dating/hanging out.

• Group activities and group hangouts are great, but I won't agree to simply hang out one on one.
• End dates at a reasonable time, don't let them go insanely late into the evening. 
• When I get the classic "Hey" text messages after 11, I will just leave them. 
• There is nothing wrong with choosing to not go on a second date if I was treated poorly on the first.

In a nutshell, I have expectations for how I will be treated. I recognize those expectations may deter some gentleman and it might cost me some dates. And that is ok with me.