One Year Later

One year ago something traumatized me.

One year ago I started to self-destruct.

One year ago I wanted my life to end.

One year later I am so grateful to still be alive.

To anyone reading this who is struggling and considering ending your life, DON'T. I  have been there and I know what it's like to feel as if you can no longer endure the pain of this life, but I promise you, it will get better. As unlikely and impossible as that may seem right now, it will get better; just keep fighting.

A lot of people have read or heard the poem "Footprints in the Sand," and after the last year, it is especially profound to me. 

"One night I dreamed a dream.

As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.

Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.

For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,

One belonging to me and one to my Lord.

After the last scene of my life flashed before me,

I looked back at the footprints in the sand.

I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,

especially at the very lowest and saddest times,

there was only one set of footprints.

This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.

"Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,

You'd walk with me all the way.

But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,

there was only one set of footprints.

I don't understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me."

He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you

Never, ever, during your trials and testings.

When you saw only one set of footprints,

It was then that I carried you."

This image depicts what I know happened over the last year; as hard as everything was, I was never alone. My Savior was always there, watching over me, giving me strength and comfort when I needed it most, sending earthly angels to me in my times of greatest need, and waiting for me to ask for help. Help to heal, help to find my way back to Him. 

One year later I am grateful to be alive, I'm grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the impact it's had in my life, and most of all, I'm grateful for a loving Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, who never left me even when I pushed Them away, and for carrying me when I could no longer walk.